Spiritual Counselor Gifts

"When I said I wanted closure, this is not what I had in mind!"

"I find it helps to imagine Go as some kind of divine creator."

How's my absolution! (800)-HAIL MARY

"Wow, souls seem a lot heavier lately"

"Father, this past election has caused my faith to crumble." "Join the club."

Mystic Business Talk

"You're everyman? But I thought I was everyman."

Self Storage Unit

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

"Each order comes with 10 minutes of free guilt counseling."

'I prefer the term 'whistleblower' to tattletale.'

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

"Freud doesn't work for you, so I', going to try some Dr. Anthony Fauci..."

'God's forgiveness of sins ... is that like a spiritual bailout program?'

'I'll be back in three or four months - Hold that thought.'

"You're completely screwed up."

"'Procreate'! I've climbed all this way to hear that the meaning of life is 'procreate'?!"

"Seminary didn't prepare me for this."

'Want to make it two out of three?'

'You're in luck. Business ethics is a gray area.'

“Just one question...how on earth do I get down?!?”

"All the celebrities come here."

Buddhist photo albums,

Jesus is Scourged (The Holy Bible).

"Really? a frikkin' math question?"

The spirit in the wall would go on and ond, but Alvin never let it bother him.

"I just feel like I'm constantly disappointing parents everytime I appear on report cards."

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

"Behold the secret to happiness."

Book of Life, Answers in Back.

"I'll check and see if he's available."