Spiritual Counselor Gifts

"When I said I wanted closure, this is not what I had in mind!"

"I find it helps to imagine Go as some kind of divine creator."

How's my absolution! (800)-HAIL MARY

"Wow, souls seem a lot heavier lately"

"Father, this past election has caused my faith to crumble." "Join the club."

'Lord...what's the meaning of my life?'

Mystic Business Talk

"You're everyman? But I thought I was everyman."

Self Storage Unit

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

'Are we there yet? Huh? Have we achieved Nirvana yet? Huh, have we?'

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

"Each order comes with 10 minutes of free guilt counseling."

'I prefer the term 'whistleblower' to tattletale.'

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

"Freud doesn't work for you, so I', going to try some Dr. Anthony Fauci..."

'God's forgiveness of sins ... is that like a spiritual bailout program?'

"My brother thinks he's a chicken... He's crazy."

"Seminary didn't prepare me for this."

"You're completely screwed up."

'Want to make it two out of three?'

"'Procreate'! I've climbed all this way to hear that the meaning of life is 'procreate'?!"

'I'll be back in three or four months - Hold that thought.'

'You're in luck. Business ethics is a gray area.'

Jesus is Scourged (The Holy Bible).

“Just one question...how on earth do I get down?!?”

"All the celebrities come here."

The spirit in the wall would go on and ond, but Alvin never let it bother him.

Buddhist photo albums,

"Really? a frikkin' math question?"

"I just feel like I'm constantly disappointing parents everytime I appear on report cards."

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."