Spiritual Healer Gifts

"Can you cleanse the space of all the roach and mice spirits?"

Church of divine healing - Emergency Room.

"There is a man at the door who needs seventeen dollars to buy some sweet grass to burn as a spiritual cleansing agent during his prayer ceremonies."

'Don't feel bad — all tree huggers get a splinter now and then.'

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

'Off hand I'd say she needs re-stuffing.'

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

Jesus's First and Less-Heralded Miracle Walk,

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

'God's forgiveness of sins ... is that like a spiritual bailout program?'

New Age Store.

"'Procreate'! I've climbed all this way to hear that the meaning of life is 'procreate'?!"

"You won’t find a more effective antidepressant."

'I'll be back in three or four months - Hold that thought.'

'Want to make it two out of three?'

"You want a generic or a regular sugar pill?"

'You're in luck. Business ethics is a gray area.'

Proceed no further if chakras not aligned.

“Just one question...how on earth do I get down?!?”

"Really? a frikkin' math question?"

The spirit in the wall would go on and ond, but Alvin never let it bother him.

'Ignore them, Charlie. They're nothing but philistines. I liked your poetry, truly I did!'

"All the celebrities come here."

Admit it Doc. You're jealous because my home remedy worked better than your fancy prescription!

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

"Honey, why don’t you tell Tony and Karen about your microdosing-healing-group thingy or whatever the heck it is?"

Book of Life, Answers in Back.

"Behold the secret to happiness."

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'

'Oh, the guru is up on the next peak -- I'm his agent.'

"I've never seen Tia Carmen so excited about a grand opening."

"If the headline screams catastrophe, but nobody cares to read it, does it still make a sound?"

"Welcome aboard - That'll be your work station over there."