Spiritual Healing Gifts

"I've been feeling more transparent."

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

Self help acupuncture

'The BOSS sent me down to help rebuild your faith.'

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

Sigmund Freud.

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

"I know we've had our differences in the past but if you scratch behind my ears I'll show you where the catnip is kept."

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

Unguided imagery

Yoga classes door.

'Are we there yet? Huh? Have we achieved Nirvana yet? Huh, have we?'

Super-Tia makes Mal de Ojo undo its curse!

"Honey, I’ve found God!"

"You are running low on cloud storage space. Please upgrade your account to continue."

Jesus's First and Less-Heralded Miracle Walk,

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

Courage. Love.

"You say I can move mountains? Right now,it's all I can do to turn over a new leaf!"

New Age Store.

'I'll be back in three or four months - Hold that thought.'

'Want to make it two out of three?'

'You've changed.'

"Honey, why don’t you tell Tony and Karen about your microdosing-healing-group thingy or whatever the heck it is?"

"Before we decide if you can get in we have to watch a film review of your life..."

Dog in hospital pushes bone-shaped IV,

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"When you're ready, I'm going to stand on my hind legs, and lick it better."

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'

2pm meet your Creator

"If the headline screams catastrophe, but nobody cares to read it, does it still make a sound?"

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

'Let me remind you that any advice you receive is protected by copyright and I retain all rights therein.'

'Don't look upon me as a priest, look upon me as your personal 'After Life Coach.''