Spiritual Consultant Gifts

''Medicine man'? Well, that's a pretty old fashioned term. Nowadays, I express myself an a 'Spiritual Consultant''.

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

'Are we there yet? Huh? Have we achieved Nirvana yet? Huh, have we?'

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

'God's forgiveness of sins ... is that like a spiritual bailout program?'

"'Procreate'! I've climbed all this way to hear that the meaning of life is 'procreate'?!"

'Want to make it two out of three?'

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

'I'll be back in three or four months - Hold that thought.'

'You're in luck. Business ethics is a gray area.'

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

“Just one question...how on earth do I get down?!?”

The spirit in the wall would go on and ond, but Alvin never let it bother him.

Buddhist photo albums,

Jesus is Scourged (The Holy Bible).

"I'm not only a Guardian Angel, I'm also an expert at turnarounds."

"Really? a frikkin' math question?"

"All the celebrities come here."

"I'll check and see if he's available."

Book of Life, Answers in Back.

"Behold the secret to happiness."

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'

"Couldn't you just set up a facebook page or a blog?"

'What is the meaning of poorly attended staff meetings.'

"Welcome aboard - That'll be your work station over there."

'Oh, the guru is up on the next peak -- I'm his agent.'

"How do I get down?"

"If the headline screams catastrophe, but nobody cares to read it, does it still make a sound?"

'Let me remind you that any advice you receive is protected by copyright and I retain all rights therein.'

"As for the meaning of life, it doesn't have to suck."

'I don't offer any free advice anymore. I am offering a self-help seminar and a motivational coaching program online.'

'Don't look upon me as a priest, look upon me as your personal 'After Life Coach.''