Celestial Consultant Gifts

Fortunes. . .$20, Impressions. . .$10, Clenches. . . $5, Wild Guess. . . $2.

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

"Did you remember to back up the last 4.5 billion years?"

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

'I must be reaching that age! I can't get my ozone layer up anymore!'

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

A man looks up at the earth

"...Ooh, I wanna know more about your dark side!"

"It's just one bad review and we all know who wrote it."

Local News in Heaven

'Looks like somebody needs to lay off of the authentic angel food cake!'

Halo Frisbee.

'I can't stand his 'holier than thou' attitude.'

"It's a good show, but I'm pretty sure it's a limited series."

"Lighten up! Your charts aren't that bad."

"That's Bob. He's a bit of a wing nut."

"I'm not only a Guardian Angel, I'm also an expert at turnarounds."

"Because of the economic situation they've relaxed the rules."

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

"Let there be light hors d'oeuvres."

'Boy, that felt good! I can see why the devil has so much fun. And no, I'm not letting you in! But tell him I said hello.'

You have a lot of patients coming to your for counseling! Yeah, I just saw a supernova who is dealing with burnout. Later, I'll see Pluto about his inferiority complex and a black hole who wants to fill a void in its life. Then Hailey's Comet and his wife will discuss why he's rarely there for her. Since your practice went universal it just keeps expanding! You're so busy! Yeah, my head is spinning!

Oops! Maybe we better make the chicken first.

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

'Oh, sure -- but He won't let US have pets!'

"This is a little embarrassing to admit, but everything that happens happens for no real reason."

'I think that's always how it's been!'

'Anything good on tonight?'

'You needn't of bothered, it grows on trees up here.'

'Thirty-two feet per second squared, eh? -- that should hold them for awhile!:

"Sadie, they found a planet orbiting Proxima Centauri. That makes way over 1,000 planets we've discovered in my lifetime." "It must be exciting for you, discovering there are 1,000 worlds full of people who can't possibly know what a doofus you are." "...Unless they've got telescopes." "It is exciting. Now I know how you must've felt when Oog the Caveman discovered Venus." "I see you're bringing what passes for your 'A-game' today."

'How do you expect to play Canasta when you left your brain to science?'

"So much for eternal rest."

'Do you have a few minutes to discuss your retirement years, sir?'