Celestial Consultant T-Shirts

Fortunes. . .$20, Impressions. . .$10, Clenches. . . $5, Wild Guess. . . $2.

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

"Did you remember to back up the last 4.5 billion years?"

'I must be reaching that age! I can't get my ozone layer up anymore!'

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

A man looks up at the earth

"...Ooh, I wanna know more about your dark side!"

Local News in Heaven

'Looks like somebody needs to lay off of the authentic angel food cake!'

Halo Frisbee.

'I can't stand his 'holier than thou' attitude.'

"Lighten up! Your charts aren't that bad."

"It's a good show, but I'm pretty sure it's a limited series."

"I'm not only a Guardian Angel, I'm also an expert at turnarounds."

"Because of the economic situation they've relaxed the rules."

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

'Boy, that felt good! I can see why the devil has so much fun. And no, I'm not letting you in! But tell him I said hello.'

'Oh, sure -- but He won't let US have pets!'

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

"Let there be light hors d'oeuvres."

"This is a little embarrassing to admit, but everything that happens happens for no real reason."

'I think that's always how it's been!'

'Anything good on tonight?'

'You needn't of bothered, it grows on trees up here.'

"The first bill is always a shock-everyone thinks Heaven will be free."

'How do you expect to play Canasta when you left your brain to science?'

'Thirty-two feet per second squared, eh? -- that should hold them for awhile!:

"Sadie, they found a planet orbiting Proxima Centauri. That makes way over 1,000 planets we've discovered in my lifetime." "It must be exciting for you, discovering there are 1,000 worlds full of people who can't possibly know what a doofus you are." "...Unless they've got telescopes." "It is exciting. Now I know how you must've felt when Oog the Caveman discovered Venus." "I see you're bringing what passes for your 'A-game' today."

"So much for eternal rest."

"No, not there! It'll block out all our light!"