Spiritual Advisor Pillows

"Go ask your mother."

'You're in luck. Business ethics is a gray area.'

'So then I thought, what's the idea job for a gentleman with my years of experience, wisdom and a desire to help others.'

"I've decided to pursue a profession where religion doesn't play such an important role."

"Now I have a question for you."

'You're dead. But don't worry ? it sounds a lot worse than it is.'

Inner Help Wanted - Apply Within

Book of Life, Answers in Back.

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

"The meaning of life? Didn't you see the FAQ on my website?"

"What is it you'd like to know about incentives, my son?"

Guru - Truth or 'Do your own Research.'

'I switched from tarot cards to a computer years ago.'

'There's no charge for the advice and wisdom, but I would eventually like those jumper cables returned!'

"When she gets back, don't mention we were talking. They hate it when we cut out the middleman."

'How rich is too rich?'

'There are some things in this world that are just not Googleable.'

'You have nothing to be ashamed of. If it were not for the Will of God, those obscene profits wouldn't be up for grabs.'

"Lets put it this way...in your case the point is moot!"

Felix was finally relaxed. He was finally, really and truly in touch with himself. Then he suddenly remembered how his Catholic school nun said that was evil.

'Actually, I came up here to get away from people asking me about the secret to happiness.'

'God's forgiveness of sins ... is that like a spiritual bailout program?'

"Since both of us believe in reincarnation, what if I pay you all the money I owe you in the next life?"

"If every day is a gift, where can I return all of last week?"

"What do you mean, 'it is what it is. . .?'"

"I'm on sabbatical."

"The first step toward enlightenment is dissillusionment."

"Give me a dollar, I'll save you a trip."

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

"I brought out the meekness in others."

"How do I get down?"

"I know I'm supposed to be giving you some kind of moral guidance, but I just can't get over how weird an ear looks up close."

"Everyone is different and everyone is the same."

"Team Chaplain! Who the hell said you could have a team chaplain?"

“Just one question...how on earth do I get down?!?”