Virtuous Advisor Gifts

"Who are you going to listen to? Me, or the boss from hell?"

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

'Are we there yet? Huh? Have we achieved Nirvana yet? Huh, have we?'

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

'God's forgiveness of sins ... is that like a spiritual bailout program?'

'I'll be back in three or four months - Hold that thought.'

'Want to make it two out of three?'

"'Procreate'! I've climbed all this way to hear that the meaning of life is 'procreate'?!"

'You're in luck. Business ethics is a gray area.'

"All the celebrities come here."

The spirit in the wall would go on and ond, but Alvin never let it bother him.

“Just one question...how on earth do I get down?!?”

"Really? a frikkin' math question?"

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

'I'm afraid there is no Book of Loophole.'

"Pastor, may we share a message with you about humility?"

"Behold the secret to happiness."

Book of Life, Answers in Back.

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'

'Oh, and one more thing

"If the headline screams catastrophe, but nobody cares to read it, does it still make a sound?"

"Couldn't you just set up a facebook page or a blog?"

'Oh, the guru is up on the next peak -- I'm his agent.'

"How do I get down?"

'Look at you. You're a basket case.'

'What is the meaning of poorly attended staff meetings.'

"Welcome aboard - That'll be your work station over there."

Your problems are all in your head, Al. This time you're wrong, doctor. I happen to be lying on my keys. The problem is not in my head. It's in my left buttock.

'Hello, Pastor Parker here. Thank you for calling moral support. Your call may be monitored to ... '

A faulty part from an independent supplier leads to the creation of a multibillion-dollar sports medicine profession.

'Let me remind you that any advice you receive is protected by copyright and I retain all rights therein.'