Holy Advisor Gifts

'I'm afraid there is no Book of Loophole.'

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

'Are we there yet? Huh? Have we achieved Nirvana yet? Huh, have we?'

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

'God's forgiveness of sins ... is that like a spiritual bailout program?'

'I'll be back in three or four months - Hold that thought.'

"'Procreate'! I've climbed all this way to hear that the meaning of life is 'procreate'?!"

'Want to make it two out of three?'

'You're in luck. Business ethics is a gray area.'

"I'm not only a Guardian Angel, I'm also an expert at turnarounds."

A man reads a book called 'Opening Lines' while a woman reads a book called 'Brush Offs'.

The spirit in the wall would go on and ond, but Alvin never let it bother him.

“Just one question...how on earth do I get down?!?”

"All the celebrities come here."

"Really? a frikkin' math question?"

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

Book of Life, Answers in Back.

"Behold the secret to happiness."

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'

"Couldn't you just set up a facebook page or a blog?"

'Hello, Pastor Parker here. Thank you for calling moral support. Your call may be monitored to ... '

"If the headline screams catastrophe, but nobody cares to read it, does it still make a sound?"

'What is the meaning of poorly attended staff meetings.'

"Welcome aboard - That'll be your work station over there."

"How do I get down?"

'Oh, the guru is up on the next peak -- I'm his agent.'

A faulty part from an independent supplier leads to the creation of a multibillion-dollar sports medicine profession.

'Let me remind you that any advice you receive is protected by copyright and I retain all rights therein.'

'I don't offer any free advice anymore. I am offering a self-help seminar and a motivational coaching program online.'

'Don't look upon me as a priest, look upon me as your personal 'After Life Coach.''