Ironic Award Recipient Mugs

'Dear valued customer, due to your lack of discipline and total disregard for your credit limit, you're the customer of the month.'

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

"Phizby, your can't do attitude has really cut down on screw-ups around here. Keep up the good work!"

Fast Nouvelle Cuisine.

Boy copying abstract artwork in an art gallery.

"She's not naked, Jake, she's French."

'Don't call us, we'll call you, inc,'

Gigolo Diary

"Physician heal thyself."

'All right. Who's in charge around here?'

"I'm kind of a big deal in antisocial media."

Cook for 3 minutes stir, wait 30 years to discover if the contaminated ingredient gives you stomach cancer.

'Your hair is messy,stand up straight. You look unkempt.'

"You were employee of the month. This month you're the firee of the month."

'I self-published a book on how to be successful. It forced me into bankruptcy.'

'Mix 1lb of greed with 2oz of corruption, fold in a sprinkle of ignorance then put on the shelf...'

Downcycling with Debbie

Young Che Guevara contemplates a career in t-shirt design.

'There's a machine now that tells you when to stop drinking. It's called a cash point machine.'

'The bizarre etiquette of entertaining: the smaller the group the worse the food.'

'I really should consult a dietician. My idea of preparing healthy food is to blow the sugar off a donut.'

'We will KILL whoever did this!'

Mild Thing.

'And now for BEST MOVIE ERODING AMERICA'S MORAL VALUES...'

Nifty ways to dump your lover; use the toilet seat as a picture frame.

"The cook book was fantastic, now do you have a good dieting book?"

"We don't need menus. Just pick the healthiest dish you have and give it to us deep fried."

'I fired them all. 2.437 of them. I'll go it alone.'

'It's titled 'Art Thief'.'

'Empower me again, Al.'