Dramatic Dinner Host Gifts

Sunday Roast.

Grace For Flies

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"Oh, boy, hard-core sugar!"

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

'On the contrary... I'm too tough for the steak!'

"Rump roast?"

Party time.

"Again, are you sure I didn't mention about bringing your own 3-D glasses?"

'Thank you so much, but I just followed the directions in the cookbook.'

'Would you like you steak WITH or WITHOUT a capella?'

Horn of Leftovers

"Gesundheit!"

Periodic table for two. Chez LMN't

The Perfect Foil

"Oh, it's alright. You couldn't know that I'm honey-intolerant."

'Giles is a surgeon who likes to bring his work home with him.'

'I said, I don't know about you, but I'm a bit disappointed in the strolling musician.'

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

A little sharpener before dinner, darling?

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

'...and could you refill the vinegar - Genius here thinks it's the wine.'

"This meal tastes just like dog crap!"

"I thought we agreed that the dining room was a buffer zone."

'Stop him, he's got the receipe.' Duck running away

"A little lamb please."

"Let that breathe a little. But not too much. My last bottle hyperventilated."

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

Waiter: 'Your Tossed salad Ma'am.'

'The tax and tip I understand, but what's this charge for shipping and handling?'

'I'm in the mood to cook!'

"Here's to a great post-meal nap."