Dramatic Dinner Host Gifts

Sunday Roast.

Grace For Flies

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"Oh, boy, hard-core sugar!"

"Rump roast?"

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

'On the contrary... I'm too tough for the steak!'

"Again, are you sure I didn't mention about bringing your own 3-D glasses?"

Party time.

'Would you like you steak WITH or WITHOUT a capella?'

"Gesundheit!"

'Thank you so much, but I just followed the directions in the cookbook.'

Horn of Leftovers

The Perfect Foil

"Oh, it's alright. You couldn't know that I'm honey-intolerant."

'Giles is a surgeon who likes to bring his work home with him.'

A little sharpener before dinner, darling?

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

'I said, I don't know about you, but I'm a bit disappointed in the strolling musician.'

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

"This meal tastes just like dog crap!"

'Stop him, he's got the receipe.' Duck running away

"A little lamb please."

"I thought we agreed that the dining room was a buffer zone."

"Let that breathe a little. But not too much. My last bottle hyperventilated."

'This soufle is hard.' - 'No it isn't, your teeth are soft.'

"Let me give you the Heimlich. That always gets the waiter's attention."

'I'm in the mood to cook!'

'Lovely soup, just like my mother used to open.'

Waiter: 'Your Tossed salad Ma'am.'

'The tax and tip I understand, but what's this charge for shipping and handling?'