Dinner Dramatist Gifts

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

Soup Eating Styles

'It was late, very late, but the peas had touched the mash potatoes, and only dawn could lift the curse.'

Alarming symptoms after eating boiled beef and gooseberry pie

'How is the Peking Duck prepared?' 'I'll break it to her gently.'

'Dinner time at our house is pretty rough with all the yelling, food fights, and time-outs. The scary thing is we don't even have kids.'

"Wait. Let it breathe."

The Perfect Foil

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

'Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!'

'...and could you refill the vinegar - Genius here thinks it's the wine.'

'Lovely soup, just like my mother used to open.'

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

'After you with the camouflage.'

"I will avenge the underdone fish that ruined my dinner if it's the last thing I ever do."

Woman pulling wish bone with lover under the table.

"Let me give you the Heimlich. That always gets the waiter's attention."

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

Emotion of Mr. Kenwigs on hearing the family news from Nicholas

'Stop him, he's got the receipe.' Duck running away

"Would you mind telling me why you keep hitting a scary-music sound bite every time you pick up your steak knife?"

'Let's forget the duck de la margola and order something else!' (man seeing duck fleeing from cook).

'The tax and tip I understand, but what's this charge for shipping and handling?'

Waiter: 'Your Tossed salad Ma'am.'

'So, not your favourite restuarant anymore...'

She realised it would be foolish to start a diet with third cousin Rodney's retirement party due in only 12 years.

Toast with faces popped up from toaster.

'Macaroni and cheese, three nights in a row?... That's justifiable homicide in my book!'

"What will change my life?"

"Our steaks are unusually tough tonight."

"Hi again. Can I just check whether you enjoyed me interrupting your meal five minutes ago to ask whether you were enjoying your meal?"

"Waiter - this dish doesn't contain enough adjectives..!"

Now squeeze sharply five times - that should dislodge the tip from his coat pocket.

"Here are Monsieur Limace, our sommelier, Monsiere Juron, chef de Cuisine and Mr Kruigshenk, specialist for the beheading of breakfast eggs."

"Good evening, my name is Hank. I'm your waiter tonight. This is Eddy, he is our cooks' lawyer."