Fine Dining Dramatist Gifts

'And bang a few pots around. I like to pretend you won't just pull it out of the freezer and throw it in the microwave.'

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

The Perfect Foil

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

'...and could you refill the vinegar - Genius here thinks it's the wine.'

'We'll get our food....eventually.'

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

'After you with the camouflage.'

"Would you mind telling me why you keep hitting a scary-music sound bite every time you pick up your steak knife?"

"Let me give you the Heimlich. That always gets the waiter's attention."

'The tax and tip I understand, but what's this charge for shipping and handling?'

Waiter: 'Your Tossed salad Ma'am.'

'Lovely soup, just like my mother used to open.'

'Let's forget the duck de la margola and order something else!' (man seeing duck fleeing from cook).

Alarming symptoms after eating boiled beef and gooseberry pie

"Wait. Let it breathe."

'I hear there's a fly in your soup?'

"What will change my life?"

"Hi again. Can I just check whether you enjoyed me interrupting your meal five minutes ago to ask whether you were enjoying your meal?"

"Waiter, there's a fly in my soup, and ironically, there's also a crouton in my s**t."

"I will avenge the underdone fish that ruined my dinner if it's the last thing I ever do."

"Our steaks are unusually tough tonight."

"How's everything?"

"Waiter - this dish doesn't contain enough adjectives..!"

'How is the Peking Duck prepared?' 'I'll break it to her gently.'

Tinguely, Jean. Homage to the Dinner Party Mother Spent Months Preparing. Performance Piece. 1926.

"Good evening, my name is Hank. I'm your waiter tonight. This is Eddy, he is our cooks' lawyer."

"Places, everybody!"

"Here are Monsieur Limace, our sommelier, Monsiere Juron, chef de Cuisine and Mr Kruigshenk, specialist for the beheading of breakfast eggs."

Lady with an inflatable dinner date.

Now squeeze sharply five times - that should dislodge the tip from his coat pocket.

'It was late, very late, but the peas had touched the mash potatoes, and only dawn could lift the curse.'

'It's called Les Restes. It's French for leftovers.'

"I'm not saying it's undercooked, dear, but I've seen fish hurt worse than this jump off the hook."