Dining Drama Expert Gifts

"There, dammit. Is that enough pepper for you??"

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

The Perfect Foil

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

'We'll get our food....eventually.'

'Stop him, he's got the receipe.' Duck running away

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

'After you with the camouflage.'

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

"Let me give you the Heimlich. That always gets the waiter's attention."

"House red, sir?"

'The tax and tip I understand, but what's this charge for shipping and handling?'

Waiter: 'Your Tossed salad Ma'am.'

'Lovely soup, just like my mother used to open.'

"Oh, put a cork in it...the bottle, you, the wine steward."

Alarming symptoms after eating boiled beef and gooseberry pie

'So, not your favourite restuarant anymore...'

'Trouble cutting pickled onions.'

'I hear there's a fly in your soup?'

'I apologize for repeatedly asking if everything is okay, but displaying customer concern is part of our mission statement.'

"What will change my life?"

"Waiter, there's a fly in my soup, and ironically, there's also a crouton in my s**t."

"Hi again. Can I just check whether you enjoyed me interrupting your meal five minutes ago to ask whether you were enjoying your meal?"

'Are the shellfish safe?'-'Certainly, sir- we keep them locked up in the kitchen.'

"How was the food sir?"

'How is the Peking Duck prepared?' 'I'll break it to her gently.'

"How's everything?"

"Waiter - this dish doesn't contain enough adjectives..!"

"Quick! Tiptoe out and phone the Fire Service!"

"Here are Monsieur Limace, our sommelier, Monsiere Juron, chef de Cuisine and Mr Kruigshenk, specialist for the beheading of breakfast eggs."

"Good evening, my name is Hank. I'm your waiter tonight. This is Eddy, he is our cooks' lawyer."

'Pineapple for the lady? Pineapple for the lady?'