Dining Dramatiser Gifts

"Hello, Sir! Remember me? You were always putting me in detention. . . Would you like to order now?"

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

The Perfect Foil

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

"I'm not trying to freak you out, but your eel roll is moving."

'We'll get our food....eventually.'

'Stop him, he's got the receipe.' Duck running away

'Lovely soup, just like my mother used to open.'

'After you with the camouflage.'

"Let me give you the Heimlich. That always gets the waiter's attention."

'I'm afraid the Chef's Surprise today is that he ran off with one of the waitresses.'

'Let's forget the duck de la margola and order something else!' (man seeing duck fleeing from cook).

'The tax and tip I understand, but what's this charge for shipping and handling?'

Waiter: 'Your Tossed salad Ma'am.'

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

Alarming symptoms after eating boiled beef and gooseberry pie

'So, not your favourite restuarant anymore...'

'I hear there's a fly in your soup?'

'Trouble cutting pickled onions.'

"What will change my life?"

"Waiter, there's a fly in my soup, and ironically, there's also a crouton in my s**t."

"Our steaks are unusually tough tonight."

"How was the food sir?"

"Hi again. Can I just check whether you enjoyed me interrupting your meal five minutes ago to ask whether you were enjoying your meal?"

"Waiter - this dish doesn't contain enough adjectives..!"

'How is the Peking Duck prepared?' 'I'll break it to her gently.'

"How's everything?"

"Quick! Tiptoe out and phone the Fire Service!"

"Here are Monsieur Limace, our sommelier, Monsiere Juron, chef de Cuisine and Mr Kruigshenk, specialist for the beheading of breakfast eggs."

"Good evening, my name is Hank. I'm your waiter tonight. This is Eddy, he is our cooks' lawyer."

Lady with an inflatable dinner date.