Dining Dramatiser Pillows

"Hello, Sir! Remember me? You were always putting me in detention. . . Would you like to order now?"

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

The Perfect Foil

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

"I'm not trying to freak you out, but your eel roll is moving."

'...and could you refill the vinegar - Genius here thinks it's the wine.'

'Stop him, he's got the receipe.' Duck running away

'We'll get our food....eventually.'

'I'm afraid the Chef's Surprise today is that he ran off with one of the waitresses.'

'After you with the camouflage.'

'Let's forget the duck de la margola and order something else!' (man seeing duck fleeing from cook).

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

"Let me give you the Heimlich. That always gets the waiter's attention."

'Lovely soup, just like my mother used to open.'

'The tax and tip I understand, but what's this charge for shipping and handling?'

Waiter: 'Your Tossed salad Ma'am.'

Alarming symptoms after eating boiled beef and gooseberry pie

'I hear there's a fly in your soup?'

'Trouble cutting pickled onions.'

"Wait. Let it breathe."

'So, not your favourite restuarant anymore...'

"What will change my life?"

"I will avenge the underdone fish that ruined my dinner if it's the last thing I ever do."

"Waiter, there's a fly in my soup, and ironically, there's also a crouton in my s**t."

"Hi again. Can I just check whether you enjoyed me interrupting your meal five minutes ago to ask whether you were enjoying your meal?"

"How was the food sir?"

"Our steaks are unusually tough tonight."

'How is the Peking Duck prepared?' 'I'll break it to her gently.'

"How's everything?"

"Waiter - this dish doesn't contain enough adjectives..!"

"Quick! Tiptoe out and phone the Fire Service!"

"Good evening, my name is Hank. I'm your waiter tonight. This is Eddy, he is our cooks' lawyer."

Lady with an inflatable dinner date.

Now squeeze sharply five times - that should dislodge the tip from his coat pocket.