Dinner Hosts Gifts

'Don't mention music while they're here. He's brought his tuba.'

'Are you sure you didn't invite the Brownes around for dinner?'

Grace For Flies

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"Oh, boy, hard-core sugar!"

"Rump roast?"

'On the contrary... I'm too tough for the steak!'

"I'm afraid the challah got a little burnt this week."

Party time.

"Again, are you sure I didn't mention about bringing your own 3-D glasses?"

'Would you like you steak WITH or WITHOUT a capella?'

"Gesundheit!"

Horn of Leftovers

'Thank you so much, but I just followed the directions in the cookbook.'

"Oh, it's alright. You couldn't know that I'm honey-intolerant."

'Giles is a surgeon who likes to bring his work home with him.'

'I'll be conducting Mahler 3 as the guests arrive.'

'Would you folks like sparkling water or tap water?'

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

A little sharpener before dinner, darling?

'I said, I don't know about you, but I'm a bit disappointed in the strolling musician.'

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

"This meal tastes just like dog crap!"

"A little lamb please."

"Let that breathe a little. But not too much. My last bottle hyperventilated."

"Veal or non-veal?"

"My bouche was not amused."

'I'm in the mood to cook!'

"Here's to a great post-meal nap."

'Oh, yes. We often have people around when my Wife cooks... Usually, the fire brigade.'

'This soufle is hard.' - 'No it isn't, your teeth are soft.'

'You talk about her so much. Why don't you invite that Alma Mater of yours to dinner sometime?'

"Would you mind telling me why you keep hitting a scary-music sound bite every time you pick up your steak knife?"