Dinner Hoster Gifts

'I wish somebody would invent the TABLE!'

Grace For Flies

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"Oh, boy, hard-core sugar!"

"Rump roast?"

'On the contrary... I'm too tough for the steak!'

"I'm afraid the challah got a little burnt this week."

"Again, are you sure I didn't mention about bringing your own 3-D glasses?"

Party time.

"Gesundheit!"

'Would you like you steak WITH or WITHOUT a capella?'

Horn of Leftovers

'Thank you so much, but I just followed the directions in the cookbook.'

"Oh, it's alright. You couldn't know that I'm honey-intolerant."

'Giles is a surgeon who likes to bring his work home with him.'

A little sharpener before dinner, darling?

'I'll be conducting Mahler 3 as the guests arrive.'

'I said, I don't know about you, but I'm a bit disappointed in the strolling musician.'

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

"A little lamb please."

"This meal tastes just like dog crap!"

"Let that breathe a little. But not too much. My last bottle hyperventilated."

"I forgot my wallet. Do you know 'Folsom Prison Blues'?"

'This soufle is hard.' - 'No it isn't, your teeth are soft.'

'You talk about her so much. Why don't you invite that Alma Mater of yours to dinner sometime?'

"My bouche was not amused."

"Here's to a great post-meal nap."

'Oh, yes. We often have people around when my Wife cooks... Usually, the fire brigade.'

'I'm in the mood to cook!'

"Veal or non-veal?"

"Would you mind telling me why you keep hitting a scary-music sound bite every time you pick up your steak knife?"

"I worry about every little thing. Barry's more of a generalist."

"Appetizer is almost done."