Hosting Dinners Gifts

Teddy Bears' Dinner Party

'Why did you ask Fred to dinner on Sunday? He's the only friend I have left!'

'What kind of person are you?! Answer this yes or no question and you'll find out. . . Have you ever dropped food on the floor and went ahead and served it to guests?'

Grace For Flies

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"Oh, boy, hard-core sugar!"

"I'm afraid the challah got a little burnt this week."

"Rump roast?"

'On the contrary... I'm too tough for the steak!'

Party time.

"Again, are you sure I didn't mention about bringing your own 3-D glasses?"

"Gesundheit!"

'Would you like you steak WITH or WITHOUT a capella?'

Horn of Leftovers

'Thank you so much, but I just followed the directions in the cookbook.'

'Giles is a surgeon who likes to bring his work home with him.'

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

A little sharpener before dinner, darling?

'I said, I don't know about you, but I'm a bit disappointed in the strolling musician.'

How to make an unforgettable dinner for four

'I'll be conducting Mahler 3 as the guests arrive.'

'I couldn't find my measuring cups, so I had to kind of wing it with the stuffing.'

"This meal tastes just like dog crap!"

"A little lamb please."

"Two questions: What time are the guests arriving, and do you still want me to slice the pepperoni?"

'Sorry there's no food. We were kind of hoping you'd bring some.'

'Thanks for inviting me to dinner - it's really great!'

"Let that breathe a little. But not too much. My last bottle hyperventilated."

Chefs-R-Us

'I'm in the mood to cook!'

'This soufle is hard.' - 'No it isn't, your teeth are soft.'

"Here's to a great post-meal nap."

If I have to eat another mouthful of that sludge I'm gonna puke...