Hosting A Dinner Party Gifts

"This is sort of my little homage to the American farm woman."

Wife telling husband that port doesn't agree with him

'Oof.'

Chefs-R-Us

If I have to eat another mouthful of that sludge I'm gonna puke...

'It may be a waiter's friend, but it certainly isn't yours.'

'No man, having a seating diagram for a dinner party isn't social engineering.'

"The host? He'll be the guy standing here, alone, when the wine's gone."

"I was going to bring a much nicer bottle of wine but I don't drink."

Tinguely, Jean. Homage to the Dinner Party Mother Spent Months Preparing. Performance Piece. 1926.

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

"I love this place—its food, its ambience, and its political goals."

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

'Enjoy your meal! We grow everything ourselves!'

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

It's not because I'm nervous. The reason I'm not eating is because I really do have butterflies in my stomach.

"Oh, boy, hard-core sugar!"

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

'On the contrary... I'm too tough for the steak!'

"Rump roast?"

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"When portions are this huge, I eat half now and the rest in a few minutes."

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

"Again, are you sure I didn't mention about bringing your own 3-D glasses?"

Party time.

"Joel! Killer crust!"

"It was a cheese and wine party but the mice got there first!"

"We have plenty of time to catch the ark."

"Gesundheit!"

'Thank you so much, but I just followed the directions in the cookbook.'