Dinner Party Gifts

"So this where the magic happens."

"Did we mention that we spent last summer in Maine?"

"Tell him I can still hear him chewing."

"Just don't be yourself."

"Tell them that hilarious story about your colonoscopy."

After Eight Mints

'Enjoy your meal! We grow everything ourselves!'

'And don't you touch that mammoth in the freezer. I'm saving it for company.'

"I do hope you're here for the circumcision."

'We thought we'd try a Schubert Lieder karaoke night.'

"On second thought, we'd be pleased to stay for dinner."

'Apparently, your'e never more than 10ft away from a rat. Although, I think that's only on average.'

'...and thank you for not outstaying your welcome.'

"You are David Richards. Your chosen topic tonight is dinner party conversation and your time starts now...How long did it take to get here and by what route?"

'Ten bucks says she serves porridge again.'

'I just killed a big gray thing with bumps all over it - how about you folks come over for dinner?'

"Barry made the wine. I made the cheese."

"We didn't have time to pick up a bottle of wine, but this is what we would have spent."

'Slip the trumpet player an extra $20 for me - I didn't think Ed would ever finish that toast.'

Dinner Party Conversation

'Sorry we're late, we had a bit of trouble finding you.'

"Listen up, everybody—Charles is going to fill us in about the Grenache grape."

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

'I don't trust carry-out food. . . when you find a hair in my cooking, you don't hafta worry about where it came from!'

"Don't get too comfortable, I hear it's Curry Night tonight!"

'Our guest tonight certainly needs no introduction.'

'I told Brenda not to wear her zebra-print dress!'

'How come whenever Connie has a party she always invites the same people we don't know?'

Okay! So who was the one who ordered a nine inch pizza?

'Finish your ice cream, young man, or no salad.'

"Honey, it was really sweet of you to invite the Wilsons over, but didn't it occur to you that they might not be saltwater fish?"

"Wow! The big guy! And what kind of B.T.U.s am I looking at here?"

"She already had someone taking care of dessert. We're bringing forced gaiety."

"Thanks for having us and I'm really sorry about the cheese ball. Honestly, I didn't realise I was meant to share it."

'Brian hated his long legs and dinner parties'