Hosting A Dinner Party T-Shirts

"This is sort of my little homage to the American farm woman."

Wife telling husband that port doesn't agree with him

'Oof.'

Chefs-R-Us

If I have to eat another mouthful of that sludge I'm gonna puke...

'It may be a waiter's friend, but it certainly isn't yours.'

'No man, having a seating diagram for a dinner party isn't social engineering.'

"The host? He'll be the guy standing here, alone, when the wine's gone."

"I was going to bring a much nicer bottle of wine but I don't drink."

"Two questions: What time are the guests arriving, and do you still want me to slice the pepperoni?"

Tinguely, Jean. Homage to the Dinner Party Mother Spent Months Preparing. Performance Piece. 1926.

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

"I love this place—its food, its ambience, and its political goals."

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

'Enjoy your meal! We grow everything ourselves!'

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

It's not because I'm nervous. The reason I'm not eating is because I really do have butterflies in my stomach.

"Oh, boy, hard-core sugar!"

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

"Rump roast?"

'On the contrary... I'm too tough for the steak!'

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

"When portions are this huge, I eat half now and the rest in a few minutes."

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

Party time.

"Again, are you sure I didn't mention about bringing your own 3-D glasses?"

'Thank you so much, but I just followed the directions in the cookbook.'

'Don't let him pick the wine. He thinks Dom Perignon was someone who got knocked off on the Sopranos.'

"It was a cheese and wine party but the mice got there first!"

"Gesundheit!"