Dinner Party Hoster T-Shirts

'The easy part was training him not to beg.'

Grace For Flies

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

"I love this place—its food, its ambience, and its political goals."

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

'Enjoy your meal! We grow everything ourselves!'

"You do like octopus?"

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

It's not because I'm nervous. The reason I'm not eating is because I really do have butterflies in my stomach.

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

"Oh, boy, hard-core sugar!"

"Rump roast?"

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'On the contrary... I'm too tough for the steak!'

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

"When portions are this huge, I eat half now and the rest in a few minutes."

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"Again, are you sure I didn't mention about bringing your own 3-D glasses?"

Party time.

"Gesundheit!"

"It was a cheese and wine party but the mice got there first!"

Horn of Leftovers

"Joel! Killer crust!"

Chicken Little was correct about something falling, unfortunately, it was an axe, and not the sky.

'Thank you so much, but I just followed the directions in the cookbook.'

'Would you like you steak WITH or WITHOUT a capella?'

Selfish shellfish - 'You kids share your food and stop being shellfish!'

'The Ambassador will not be pleased, Madame.'

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

'She thinks it makes her look enigmatic.'

'I made your favorite for dinner — pterodactyl nuggets!'