Family Dinner Host Gifts

'Yuck! My creamed corn is polluting my mashed potatoes!'

Holiday stress.

"I'm afraid the challah got a little burnt this week."

Grace For Flies

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

'Protein, starch, vegetable??? When you said 'square meal' I thought PIZZA IN A BOX!'

'I'm worried about him, he eats his vegetables, but not his dessert!'

"Oh, mournful and terrible engine of horror and crime—of agony and of death, not asparagus again!"

"Tia Carmen's not happy unless she can send people away with a plate of leftovers for the road."

Party time.

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

Newton had actually discovered gravity at a family dinner in his early childhood.

Horn of Leftovers

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

"I hope we can sell everything before it's time for mom to make dinner."

'4 Jello desserts - and, for the love of God, please make them all the same color.' (at restaurant with three kids)

"I grabbed it away from Larry and seasoned it properly just in time. It's a rescue meatloaf."

'Okay mum, I'll eat it all up. But I doubt I'll grow big and strong on this muck!'

Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!

'I'm thankful you didn't make turnips.'

'I hope you all like stuffing.'

'Hurry up you guys! I'm about to serve dinner!'

"It's so nice to gather and enjoy a simple home-cooked meal together."

'I'll be conducting Mahler 3 as the guests arrive.'

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

'As soon as your mother is through laundering the money we'll go out to eat.'

I don't do wishbones. I do just-make-it-happen bones.

"And that's where hot dogs come from."

"I thought we agreed that the dining room was a buffer zone."

"Fridge-to-table"

"Dad's dinner really is melt-in-your-mouth...it's half frozen!"

'We thank you for this food and ask you to protect us from pesticides, additives and preservatives.'