Family Gathering Host Gifts

I don't do wishbones. I do just-make-it-happen bones.

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

'Ahhh...'

Uncle demonstrating chemical experiments to children

T"ruly, Susan, I envy no man."

"Oh, no - Karen baked a cake so dense that not even light can escape."

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

Christmas Tree

"Hi-yah!"

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

"I'm afraid the challah got a little burnt this week."

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"What makes you think I'm dripping it on my shirt?"

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

"I'm not eating cookies before dinner. I'm having cookies for dinner!"

Duke of Clarence (Later William IV) Promenading with Family

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

"Mom, does the Russian borscht you made for dinner give me foreign-policy experience?"

"See this jelly wobbling. It was waving goodbye."

Polygamists' Picnic

"I ask that today is a good day...a day that brings family together...to show how we need one another."

"Mommy's going to teach you how to make a hamburger."

'No. The television screen hasn't gone red - You've got tomato ketchup all over your glasses!'

"Whose turn is it to lick the knife?"

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

Barbecued dessert, anyone? The coals are PERFECT now!

'Roy! For the last time, don't wave that red one in front of your Dad.'

"Tia Carmen's not happy unless she can send people away with a plate of leftovers for the road."

celebrating a birth.

'Never mind about buying that trampoline. I love your new bed!'

"Truth is relative at these reunions. It depends on which relative you talk to."

Any idea how long your family might be visiting?