Sarcastic Dinner Host Gifts

"I thought we agreed that the dining room was a buffer zone."

Grace For Flies

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"Oh, boy, hard-core sugar!"

"Rump roast?"

'On the contrary... I'm too tough for the steak!'

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"How fresh is the calamari?"

"Again, are you sure I didn't mention about bringing your own 3-D glasses?"

Party time.

'Thank you so much, but I just followed the directions in the cookbook.'

"Gesundheit!"

'Would you like you steak WITH or WITHOUT a capella?'

Horn of Leftovers

'Giles is a surgeon who likes to bring his work home with him.'

A little sharpener before dinner, darling?

"I feel like I'm cosplaying as a salad bar."

'I said, I don't know about you, but I'm a bit disappointed in the strolling musician.'

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

"This meal tastes just like dog crap!"

'I'm not sure how you managed to burn a bowl of cereal.'

"A little lamb please."

"Let that breathe a little. But not too much. My last bottle hyperventilated."

"My bouche was not amused."

"Here's to a great post-meal nap."

'This soufle is hard.' - 'No it isn't, your teeth are soft.'

'I'm in the mood to cook!'

'Good evening sir, I hope you haven't been waiting long.'

"Appetizer is almost done."

"I worry about every little thing. Barry's more of a generalist."

Trustworthy Authority.