Sarcastic Chef Gifts

'I'm not sure how you managed to burn a bowl of cereal.'

'That mink-lined surprise he promise me - it was an apron.'

'You're problem is you don't think big enough.'

'She's only a passing fancy, luv but you're a good cook!'

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

Redhead

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

"I thought we agreed that the dining room was a buffer zone."

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

'Don't give up hope, Senator- We've worked out a plan to decrease your name recognition.'

"Would you like to see today's liquidized menu?"

'He lost his whistle,'

'Good evening sir, I hope you haven't been waiting long.'

Suddenly Harold froze, trying to remember if he had ordered a side of roaches, or if this was a gross violation of public healthcare policy.

"Whoes jumping? My secretary enforces a strict 'No Smoking' policy"

"It's gotta be a good place – we've been ignored for well over an hour now."

'This food's disgusting.' - 'And such small portions.'

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'

"I'd recommend this."

'Nice decorating. I like the clothes and toys everywhere...and the half eaten sandwich really ties it all together!'

"I want you to drink more beer, eat more fatty foods and take less exercise."

"It's a 'get worse soon card' from your ex wife."

"I think I'll just leave a hate tip."

"Mine has a terrible battery life."

"How was the food sir?"

'It seems the environment people, the health department and the food and drug administration all have reservations about his place.'

Hugo's in a peevish mood today, I'd finish that broccoli if I were you

'Waiter, this salad is obnoxious!' 'But, sir — you asked for French dressing!'

"I see that there's an excellent sale on diddly-squat at the Zilchtown Mall in Nowheresville, New Jersey."

'I like home cooking if it's in someone else's home.'

"The name refers to the seating, not the cuisine."

'I'll have a BLT sandwich -- hold the 'B'.'