Sarcastic Gourmand Gifts

'The chef says that the quail was out but he prepared that little critter he ran over on the motorway which tastes similar and you nouveau riche snobs will never notice the difference anyway.'

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

Recipes from the Jean-Paul Sartre Cookbook

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

"I can assure you ladies all our eggs come from free range chickens."

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

"Would you like to see today's liquidized menu?"

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

'I'm not sure how you managed to burn a bowl of cereal.'

'Good evening sir, I hope you haven't been waiting long.'

Suddenly Harold froze, trying to remember if he had ordered a side of roaches, or if this was a gross violation of public healthcare policy.

'This food's disgusting.' - 'And such small portions.'

"The Mashed Potato Casserole with Creamed Spinach, Baked Egg and Garlic is half price tonight, sir. It's horrible."

"It's gotta be a good place – we've been ignored for well over an hour now."

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'

"I'd recommend this."

'It seems the environment people, the health department and the food and drug administration all have reservations about his place.'

Hugo's in a peevish mood today, I'd finish that broccoli if I were you

"We have met today because you, Cynthia, and you, Kevin, now want to look together for a scapegoat to blame for your stupidity, your laziness, your total failure, and for your antisocial behaviour."

"How was the food sir?"

'Waiter, this salad is obnoxious!' 'But, sir — you asked for French dressing!'

'Chefs, the secret ingredient for tonight's competition is - wing of bat!'

"I think I'll just leave a hate tip."

"Telling me how nutritious it is doesn't make it taste any better."

'You're problem is you don't think big enough.'

I've always wondered why waiters in fancy restaurants wear a napkin over their arm. Because when you see the check, you'll want something to cry into.

'I'll have a BLT sandwich -- hold the 'B'.'

'I like home cooking if it's in someone else's home.'

'Aside from the cockroach, how was everything?'

Todays Special: Vented Spleen.

'You can eat whatever you like on this diet, and here's a list of whatever you like.'

"The name refers to the seating, not the cuisine."