Satirical Gourmand Gifts

'Filet mignon, poached salmon, beef Wellington! See! TRICKLE DOWN does work!'

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

Recipes from the Jean-Paul Sartre Cookbook

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

Get your no-turkey recipes here! Eco club. Go veggie for T-day! No thanks! I like turkey, sausage, stuffing, creamed onions with bacon and mincemeat pie. I figured as much. How can you tell? Gut check. That's my gut reaction, too.

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

"This place is famous for its short fiction about food."

Cook in the cookery section.

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

'Our guest tonight certainly needs no introduction.'

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

'Waiter! -- there's a candidate in my soup!'

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

"Before I serve you dinner, it was in the chicken's last wishes that you watch his video will."

Bookworm group

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

'I'm afraid the Chef's Surprise today is that he ran off with one of the waitresses.'

1% Cereal: Now with marshmallow dollar signs.

"And here you have a brown thing next to something greenish, with some sort of brown runny stuff underneath it."

'Our five-course dinners start with denial, followed by anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.'

"I recommend the businessman's lunch, sir, mammon notwithstanding."

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

"We've gone 'Glutton-Free'."

Dijon Vu

Sun Dried Ice Cubes

A lot of attention gets paid to the Earl of Sandwich, and rightfully so, but let's not forget to show some respect for that neglected Lord of Lunch, the Viscount of Potato Salad.

'People soup again?'

'... we've got a crowd of, oh I'd say fourteen million organisms here for the annual 'Salmonella potato salad bowl'!'