Satirical Gourmand Gifts

'Filet mignon, poached salmon, beef Wellington! See! TRICKLE DOWN does work!'

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

Recipes from the Jean-Paul Sartre Cookbook

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

"This place is famous for its short fiction about food."

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

Cook in the cookery section.

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

'Our guest tonight certainly needs no introduction.'

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

'Waiter! -- there's a candidate in my soup!'

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

"Before I serve you dinner, it was in the chicken's last wishes that you watch his video will."

Bookworm group

'I'm afraid the Chef's Surprise today is that he ran off with one of the waitresses.'

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

1% Cereal: Now with marshmallow dollar signs.

"And here you have a brown thing next to something greenish, with some sort of brown runny stuff underneath it."

'Our five-course dinners start with denial, followed by anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.'

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

"I recommend the businessman's lunch, sir, mammon notwithstanding."

Sun Dried Ice Cubes

"We've gone 'Glutton-Free'."

'People soup again?'

Dijon Vu

Intolerant Chef

'... we've got a crowd of, oh I'd say fourteen million organisms here for the annual 'Salmonella potato salad bowl'!'