Absurdist Gourmand Gifts

Recipes from the Jean-Paul Sartre Cookbook

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

"This place is famous for its short fiction about food."

Cook in the cookery section.

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

"It's Chicken Mole!"

Bookworm group

An art director eats: 'Waiter! Does this lettuce say 'salad' to you?'

"Gimme a double burger between two burgers. And hold the lettuce; it only dilutes the experience."

Dijon Vu

Capturing a Cook

'Chefs, the secret ingredient for tonight's competition is - wing of bat!'

'It seems the environment people, the health department and the food and drug administration all have reservations about his place.'

Endangered Entrees

Why Chemists shouldn't take their work home "I can't believe it's not b-b-vegetable mono & dyglycerides!"

"So - we'll go for Bouillabaisse then, shall we?"

'The chef says that the quail was out but he prepared that little critter he ran over on the motorway which tastes similar and you nouveau riche snobs will never notice the difference anyway.'

"Putting a steak, chicken wings and potato chips on a salad kind of negates the eating healthy concept."

'What d'you say to a massive Szechuan-style wok fry-up before we start?'

'Bad news... all our tests came back with you as delicious.'

Fast Food

"It's not having seconds that's the problem. It's having fifths and sixths!"

"Where do you draw the line?"

Pots and Pans

"Hmmmmm -- Choices, choices..."

'Enjoy? Don't tell me what to do.'

"Of course only buying 'organic' CAN be expensive! Another pea anyone?"

"If you'll excuse me, my adventurous palate is at constant war with my delicate ecosystem of gut bacteria."

French BookstoreCafe.

"I'm a computer programmer. After a few more glasses of wine, that'll seem more interesting."

Chicken Soup for the Lunch.

'I didn't say your meal wouldn't contain fat. I said the fat would be free.'