Humble Gourmand Gifts

"Of course only buying 'organic' CAN be expensive! Another pea anyone?"

Party Animals.

Recipes from the Jean-Paul Sartre Cookbook

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

"How's everything here? Let's start with your earliest childhood memories."

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

"Here's your dessert. A guilt counselor iss standing by to help you once you calculate how many calories you've consumed."

"We use the proceeds to help offset the cost of your eternal salvation."

'I'll have the 'All of the above.''

Woman watching cookery show on TV while cooking a microwave meal.

"Mom, vegetables may help me grow and give me energy, but what if I want to be short and underachieving?"

"Try and push the eye of newt and wing of bat casserole."

'I couldn't put the book down... I had peanut butter and jelly on my hands!'

"Jeffrey eats everything, Mom, because no one has told him what he doesn't like."

Endangered Entrees

Why Chemists shouldn't take their work home "I can't believe it's not b-b-vegetable mono & dyglycerides!"

"Cemetery Pie"

"I think I'll go home and start some unhealthy eating habits I'll live to regret."

'It seems the environment people, the health department and the food and drug administration all have reservations about his place.'

"I hate how we stigmatize eating by calling it a feeding frenzy."

"I want a wine that's wise but unassuming, and not ashamed of a screw on cap."

'What d'you say to a massive Szechuan-style wok fry-up before we start?'

For once, I'd like to order a non-soy-based tofu substitute. No more health food. I have Tofurkey.

'Bad news... all our tests came back with you as delicious.'

'Creme Vichyssoise?' 'I'll have a cheese roll.'

Weight Loss Cheat.

Newspaper headlines before and after Christmas.

"Where do you draw the line?"

'Yes, I think God still would want you to say grace for asparagus and carrots.'

'We thank you for this food, but we wish you gave us enough sense to avoid all this cholesterol, salt and all these additives.'

"Hmmmmm -- Choices, choices..."

"Do you have a lean cuisine, waiter?"

"This is my shame spiral pepper spray."

"Your apple surprise, sir."

'The flavour of this is great so far - pass the pickled onions and rasberry jam.'