Satirical Gourmets Gifts

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

Martha Stewart Takes Over The Universe

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

'Our guest tonight certainly needs no introduction.'

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

'Waiter! -- there's a candidate in my soup!'

"Before I serve you dinner, it was in the chicken's last wishes that you watch his video will."

The BLTR (the bacon, lettuce, tomato, revolution)

'I really love this stuff, but I still have a lot of trouble with sushi.'

French bread

1% Cereal: Now with marshmallow dollar signs.

'Will we ever get a morning-after pill for over-eating?'

'Our five-course dinners start with denial, followed by anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.'

"He feels the honey-citrus glaze overpowers the plum."

"We've gone 'Glutton-Free'."

"I recommend the businessman's lunch, sir, mammon notwithstanding."

Sun Dried Ice Cubes

'A formal inquiry could take months, sir, and still be inconclusive.'

Intolerant Chef

'... we've got a crowd of, oh I'd say fourteen million organisms here for the annual 'Salmonella potato salad bowl'!'

'This is not Hungarian stew. Sorry, the butcher ran out of Hungarians.'

'Calorie averaging...with the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get...one French fry.'

"He's Britains most eligible Spatula."

"Chicken 'Laissez-faire'?"

Commie Chef.

"The Chef's Special is to die for. If you order it, you'll need to sign a waiver."

Christmas canape?

The Ghost of Food

"Fiction or non-fiction?"