Satirical Gourmets Gifts

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

Martha Stewart Takes Over The Universe

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

'Our guest tonight certainly needs no introduction.'

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

'Waiter! -- there's a candidate in my soup!'

"Before I serve you dinner, it was in the chicken's last wishes that you watch his video will."

The BLTR (the bacon, lettuce, tomato, revolution)

'I really love this stuff, but I still have a lot of trouble with sushi.'

French bread

'Will we ever get a morning-after pill for over-eating?'

1% Cereal: Now with marshmallow dollar signs.

'Our five-course dinners start with denial, followed by anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.'

"He feels the honey-citrus glaze overpowers the plum."

Sun Dried Ice Cubes

A lot of attention gets paid to the Earl of Sandwich, and rightfully so, but let's not forget to show some respect for that neglected Lord of Lunch, the Viscount of Potato Salad.

"I recommend the businessman's lunch, sir, mammon notwithstanding."

'A formal inquiry could take months, sir, and still be inconclusive.'

"We've gone 'Glutton-Free'."

'... we've got a crowd of, oh I'd say fourteen million organisms here for the annual 'Salmonella potato salad bowl'!'

Intolerant Chef

'This is not Hungarian stew. Sorry, the butcher ran out of Hungarians.'

"He's Britains most eligible Spatula."

Commie Chef.

"Never mind the cost of living crisis, dear, you still need your 5-a-day."

"Chicken 'Laissez-faire'?"

'Calorie averaging...with the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get...one French fry.'

Waitrose Vegan Burgers

"Fiction or non-fiction?"

Christmas canape?

The Ghost of Food

"The Chef's Special is to die for. If you order it, you'll need to sign a waiver."