Comedic Gourmets Gifts

'...and even though the rest of us hate brussel sprouts, we thank you Lord for the food you've provided for us.'

Martha Stewart Takes Over The Universe

"But if you leave New Orleans, you'll be just another sandwich."

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

Soccer games took on a whole new meaning for the parents of Hillsdale Youth Soccer.

'Do you want toast with that?'

'I really love this stuff, but I still have a lot of trouble with sushi.'

'Will we ever get a morning-after pill for over-eating?'

'Ooh girl, he may look like a potato, but he moves like a yam!'

French bread

"He feels the honey-citrus glaze overpowers the plum."

"Gimme a double burger between two burgers. And hold the lettuce; it only dilutes the experience."

Why Shirley hates to eat genetic modified Broccoli.

'Add three eggs, a pinch of salt, two ounces of olive oil and the phone number of a local pizza in delivery in case this recipe doesn't work out.'

"I still call it a custard tart but to be honest, it's a dairy free, soy fructose mix, with no nuts."

Dessert Storm Veteran

The Ghost of Food

I Hate Alphabet Soup.

'Ok. We've tried monkey's paw, eye of newt, bat's blood and raven's claw.'

'I feel so proud. Dad says my cooking is just like Mum's.'

"I never remember, do you brine before or after you get attached to him."

'All you can eat, burgers.'

"The Chef's Special is to die for. If you order it, you'll need to sign a waiver."

"Fiction or non-fiction?"

We were asked to insure them against poisoning their guests.

'The dietary exchange for this food is 3 days of unrelenting remorse.'

Salsa on a Stick.

When your trainer said stretching is a key component of your new fitness program, she wasn't talking about your stomach!

Chinese noodles.

Mom's Home-Deforested Cooking!

'Unexpected item in bagging area.'

"I have no trouble losing weight...it's just that I'm better at finding it."

"It's not having seconds that's the problem. It's having fifths and sixths!"

"Check, please."

Grand Opening! I wish someone had told me those weren't for haircuts.