Comedic Gourmets Gifts

'...and even though the rest of us hate brussel sprouts, we thank you Lord for the food you've provided for us.'

Martha Stewart Takes Over The Universe

"But if you leave New Orleans, you'll be just another sandwich."

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

'Do you want toast with that?'

'I really love this stuff, but I still have a lot of trouble with sushi.'

'Will we ever get a morning-after pill for over-eating?'

French bread

'Ooh girl, he may look like a potato, but he moves like a yam!'

"Gimme a double burger between two burgers. And hold the lettuce; it only dilutes the experience."

"He feels the honey-citrus glaze overpowers the plum."

'Add three eggs, a pinch of salt, two ounces of olive oil and the phone number of a local pizza in delivery in case this recipe doesn't work out.'

Dessert Storm Veteran

"I still call it a custard tart but to be honest, it's a dairy free, soy fructose mix, with no nuts."

Why Shirley hates to eat genetic modified Broccoli.

I Hate Alphabet Soup.

'All you can eat, burgers.'

The Ghost of Food

'I feel so proud. Dad says my cooking is just like Mum's.'

"The Chef's Special is to die for. If you order it, you'll need to sign a waiver."

"Fiction or non-fiction?"

"I never remember, do you brine before or after you get attached to him."

We were asked to insure them against poisoning their guests.

'The dietary exchange for this food is 3 days of unrelenting remorse.'

Salsa on a Stick.

Chinese noodles.

Mom's Home-Deforested Cooking!

'Unexpected item in bagging area.'

"I have no trouble losing weight...it's just that I'm better at finding it."

"It's not having seconds that's the problem. It's having fifths and sixths!"

Selecting teeth.. "I'll have those, please."

"Check, please."