Comedic Gourmand Gifts

"It's not having seconds that's the problem. It's having fifths and sixths!"

"Gimme a double burger between two burgers. And hold the lettuce; it only dilutes the experience."

The wonderful world of cheese.

'He's trying to put some magic into my recipes.'

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.

"Perhaps we should cleanse our palates first?"

Just one more choccy...

Ordering Food At A French Restaurant.

'Do you want toast with that?'

Tomorrow we'll cheer the fourth of July! Picnics with families mean hot dogs to buy! Flags will be waving so proudly up high! And fireworks displays will light the night sky which Frank will miss due to way too much pie! Pie Eating Contest!

'Ooh girl, he may look like a potato, but he moves like a yam!'

Aiiiii! Fat! Cholesterol! Food!

'Guys, I think this is one of those 'let it go' moments in life when you have to relax and just trust the processor!'

'Don't worry, Sir. Most of our customers get indigestion when they see the bill.'

Dijon Vu

"Love the cheese - not so sure about the presentation."

'Chefs, the secret ingredient for tonight's competition is - wing of bat!'

Why Shirley hates to eat genetic modified Broccoli.

"I still call it a custard tart but to be honest, it's a dairy free, soy fructose mix, with no nuts."

Beard helper

Capturing a Cook

"I think I'll go home and start some unhealthy eating habits I'll live to regret."

'I'm a very busy man - this way I am able to hunt and cook at the same time.'

'It seems the environment people, the health department and the food and drug administration all have reservations about his place.'

Endangered Entrees

Dessert Storm Veteran

'Add three eggs, a pinch of salt, two ounces of olive oil and the phone number of a local pizza in delivery in case this recipe doesn't work out.'

'I know you're in a hurry, so I ran all the leftovers through the blender.'

"I never remember, do you brine before or after you get attached to him."

Frozen Fish

"Now this is what I call a thanksgiving break."

"If I'm billing six hundred dollars an hour, lunch just cost me $ 638.75."