Sarcastic Gourmet Gifts

Suddenly Harold froze, trying to remember if he had ordered a side of roaches, or if this was a gross violation of public healthcare policy.

'5 hygiene stars! Shame the food tastes like toilet tissue!'

'This food's disgusting.' - 'And such small portions.'

'Waiter, this salad is obnoxious!' 'But, sir — you asked for French dressing!'

'I found this Happy Meal to mildly amusing at best.'

"How was the food sir?"

"Telling me how nutritious it is doesn't make it taste any better."

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

Redhead

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

'Our guest tonight certainly needs no introduction.'

Writer and his Muse on a cookout.

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

'Don't give up hope, Senator- We've worked out a plan to decrease your name recognition.'

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

'I'm not sure how you managed to burn a bowl of cereal.'

"Would you like to see today's liquidized menu?"

'He lost his whistle,'

'I enjoyed the deviled ham, the deviled eggs and the devil's food cake, but we need a menu more in tune with our mission.'

'All our appliances come with energy saving device - off/on switch.'

'Good evening sir, I hope you haven't been waiting long.'

"Monsieur Proust, we would like to discuss product placement for one of our cakes...."

"All I've got left is smoked."

"We've gone 'Glutton-Free'."

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'

"It's gotta be a good place – we've been ignored for well over an hour now."

"I'd recommend this."

"I want you to drink more beer, eat more fatty foods and take less exercise."

"It's a 'get worse soon card' from your ex wife."

"Mine has a terrible battery life."

'It seems the environment people, the health department and the food and drug administration all have reservations about his place.'

“We need eggs, milk, bread... Oh, and get an extra-large tub of outrage. We’re running low.”