Sarcastic Chefs Gifts

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

Exciting potato bugs.

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

Redhead

'I've got an exciting new assignment for you. You're going to share one salary.'

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

'Don't give up hope, Senator- We've worked out a plan to decrease your name recognition.'

"I thought we agreed that the dining room was a buffer zone."

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

'I'm not sure how you managed to burn a bowl of cereal.'

'Waiter! -- there's a candidate in my soup!'

"Would you like to see today's liquidized menu?"

"Before I serve you dinner, it was in the chicken's last wishes that you watch his video will."

'It looks like blood, tastes like Ribena, I just hope it gets me drunk,'

'He lost his whistle,'

'Our five-course dinners start with denial, followed by anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.'

'Good evening sir, I hope you haven't been waiting long.'

Suddenly Harold froze, trying to remember if he had ordered a side of roaches, or if this was a gross violation of public healthcare policy.

"It's gotta be a good place – we've been ignored for well over an hour now."

"I'm not sure what to watch...'Enterprise' or 'Sabado Gigante.'"

Sun Dried Ice Cubes

They stole your identity, but after seeing your credit score, they gave it back.

"Whoes jumping? My secretary enforces a strict 'No Smoking' policy"

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'

'This food's disgusting.' - 'And such small portions.'

"I'd recommend this."

'This is not Hungarian stew. Sorry, the butcher ran out of Hungarians.'

Intolerant Chef

"I want you to drink more beer, eat more fatty foods and take less exercise."

'... we've got a crowd of, oh I'd say fourteen million organisms here for the annual 'Salmonella potato salad bowl'!'

"I see that there's an excellent sale on diddly-squat at the Zilchtown Mall in Nowheresville, New Jersey."