Sarcastic Foodies Gifts

'Everyone loves Christmas...except the turkey!'

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

'great win, kids! Let's celebrate... My treat!!'

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

'I'm not sure how you managed to burn a bowl of cereal.'

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

"Would you like to see today's liquidized menu?"

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

'All our appliances come with energy saving device - off/on switch.'

"For my will I decided to cut out the middle man and bequeath all my money to the IRS."

'Good evening sir, I hope you haven't been waiting long.'

Suddenly Harold froze, trying to remember if he had ordered a side of roaches, or if this was a gross violation of public healthcare policy.

"It's gotta be a good place – we've been ignored for well over an hour now."

"The Mashed Potato Casserole with Creamed Spinach, Baked Egg and Garlic is half price tonight, sir. It's horrible."

'I may scream at you occasionally. Pay no attention. I may rant and rave...pay no attention...I may even fire you occasionally. PAY ATTENTION!'

'This food's disgusting.' - 'And such small portions.'

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'

"I'd recommend this."

“We need eggs, milk, bread... Oh, and get an extra-large tub of outrage. We’re running low.”

"We have met today because you, Cynthia, and you, Kevin, now want to look together for a scapegoat to blame for your stupidity, your laziness, your total failure, and for your antisocial behaviour."

"How was the food sir?"

Hugo's in a peevish mood today, I'd finish that broccoli if I were you

'It seems the environment people, the health department and the food and drug administration all have reservations about his place.'

"I think I'll just leave a hate tip."

'Waiter, this salad is obnoxious!' 'But, sir — you asked for French dressing!'

'You're problem is you don't think big enough.'

"Telling me how nutritious it is doesn't make it taste any better."

'The chef says that the quail was out but he prepared that little critter he ran over on the motorway which tastes similar and you nouveau riche snobs will never notice the difference anyway.'

'I'll have a BLT sandwich -- hold the 'B'.'

"Don't worry. Very soon you'll be back to what passes as normal for you."

"The name refers to the seating, not the cuisine."

'I like home cooking if it's in someone else's home.'

'Aside from the cockroach, how was everything?'