Sarcastic Restaurateurs Gifts

Todays Special: Vented Spleen.

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"I can assure you ladies all our eggs come from free range chickens."

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

'great win, kids! Let's celebrate... My treat!!'

'I'm not sure how you managed to burn a bowl of cereal.'

"Would you like to see today's liquidized menu?"

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

"I thought we agreed that the dining room was a buffer zone."

'Good evening sir, I hope you haven't been waiting long.'

Suddenly Harold froze, trying to remember if he had ordered a side of roaches, or if this was a gross violation of public healthcare policy.

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'

"The Mashed Potato Casserole with Creamed Spinach, Baked Egg and Garlic is half price tonight, sir. It's horrible."

"It's gotta be a good place – we've been ignored for well over an hour now."

'This food's disgusting.' - 'And such small portions.'

'Waiter, is it raining?' ] 'Sorry, not my table.'

"I'd recommend this."

"How was the food sir?"

'Instead of one of our dishes you want to eat me? Just a minute, sir.. I've go to ask the manager.'

"I think I'll just leave a hate tip."

'It seems the environment people, the health department and the food and drug administration all have reservations about his place.'

Hugo's in a peevish mood today, I'd finish that broccoli if I were you

'Waiter, this salad is obnoxious!' 'But, sir — you asked for French dressing!'

'What's this about the food tasting funny?'

'You're problem is you don't think big enough.'

'I like home cooking if it's in someone else's home.'

'You can eat whatever you like on this diet, and here's a list of whatever you like.'

"The name refers to the seating, not the cuisine."

'I'll have a BLT sandwich -- hold the 'B'.'

'The chef says that the quail was out but he prepared that little critter he ran over on the motorway which tastes similar and you nouveau riche snobs will never notice the difference anyway.'

'Aside from the cockroach, how was everything?'

I've always wondered why waiters in fancy restaurants wear a napkin over their arm. Because when you see the check, you'll want something to cry into.

The PARTISAN CAFE: "For or against section?"