Sarcastic Dinner Host T-Shirts

"I thought we agreed that the dining room was a buffer zone."

Grace For Flies

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"Oh, boy, hard-core sugar!"

"Rump roast?"

'On the contrary... I'm too tough for the steak!'

"How fresh is the calamari?"

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

Party time.

"Again, are you sure I didn't mention about bringing your own 3-D glasses?"

'Thank you so much, but I just followed the directions in the cookbook.'

"Gesundheit!"

'Would you like you steak WITH or WITHOUT a capella?'

Horn of Leftovers

Periodic table for two. Chez LMN't

'Giles is a surgeon who likes to bring his work home with him.'

A little sharpener before dinner, darling?

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

'I said, I don't know about you, but I'm a bit disappointed in the strolling musician.'

"I feel like I'm cosplaying as a salad bar."

"A little lamb please."

"This meal tastes just like dog crap!"

'I'm not sure how you managed to burn a bowl of cereal.'

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

"Let that breathe a little. But not too much. My last bottle hyperventilated."

'This soufle is hard.' - 'No it isn't, your teeth are soft.'

"Here's to a great post-meal nap."

'I'm in the mood to cook!'

"My bouche was not amused."

'Good evening sir, I hope you haven't been waiting long.'

"Appetizer is almost done."

"I worry about every little thing. Barry's more of a generalist."