Dining Irony Fan Gifts

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

"Perhaps we should cleanse our palates first?"

Mort Park! You mean Killer. You're sprung, Killer. I'm free to go? Unless you're so tough now you'd rather stay. I mean a guy named Killer probably likes jail. Mail me my blanky.

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

"He's Right Behind Me, Isn't He?"

Organic foods stand manned by stallholder using fly spray.

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

'A formal inquiry could take months, sir, and still be inconclusive.'

Dinner at the Mortgage Restaurant.

Doctor delivers sonogram results, which include the baby's sex, his claustrophobia, his taste for trashy women...'

"Barkeeper! More chick-peas!"

'Do you have anything that's not fried?'

You short-changed me when I paid for my drink last week. Are you sure? Of course I'm sure. You gave me change for $10, but I now I gave you more than a ten-dollar bill. Sorry about that. How much did you give me? I distinctly remember I had nothing but $1,000 bills in my wallet. Not falling for it.

Man: 'What the...?!' / 404 ERROR!

I like your suit, to me it says 'management'

"I never thought I'd be saying this, but I'd like some hospital food."

'May I caution that the term 'Happy meal' refers to the meal itself rather than to any effect it may have.'

'Allors Monsieur, let's see... one fish meal... one phone call for the ambulance... that'll be 79,70.'

"Yeah, I been neutered. Why?"

Food guide.

Extreme health food restaurants: "Just check off what you want and we'll bring your tray around."

"Fascinating. And I picked up four Pokemon in there."

A waiter says:'You guys know you're supposed to text me when you're ready right?' the patrons are dead . . .

Waiter, who are those protesters outside? They're from "PETFS": People for the Ethical Treatment of Flies in Soup.

'Could you be a little more specific than angel food?'

"Sorry, sir, but none of our food is very good. It's the chef's way of punishing the rich."

'I wonder why women live longer than men.'

'And you'll be seated at the head table!'

'Hello dear, have I kept you waiting long?'

'It's so hard getting seated here... would you care to join me and my friends?'

'The food's pretty bad here, but we make up for it with especially large portions.'

"When I said I wanted a bottle of the house red, I meant ketchup."

'My name is Angel. No relation to the angel hair pasta.'

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