Dining Irony Fan Pillows

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

"He's Right Behind Me, Isn't He?"

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

Organic foods stand manned by stallholder using fly spray.

'A formal inquiry could take months, sir, and still be inconclusive.'

Dinner at the Mortgage Restaurant.

Doctor delivers sonogram results, which include the baby's sex, his claustrophobia, his taste for trashy women...'

"Barkeeper! More chick-peas!"

'Do you have anything that's not fried?'

Man: 'What the...?!' / 404 ERROR!

I like your suit, to me it says 'management'

'May I caution that the term 'Happy meal' refers to the meal itself rather than to any effect it may have.'

"I never thought I'd be saying this, but I'd like some hospital food."

'Allors Monsieur, let's see... one fish meal... one phone call for the ambulance... that'll be 79,70.'

'Could you be a little more specific than angel food?'

Food guide.

A waiter says:'You guys know you're supposed to text me when you're ready right?' the patrons are dead . . .

Extreme health food restaurants: "Just check off what you want and we'll bring your tray around."

"Yeah, I been neutered. Why?"

"Fascinating. And I picked up four Pokemon in there."

'I wonder why women live longer than men.'

"Sorry, sir, but none of our food is very good. It's the chef's way of punishing the rich."

'And you'll be seated at the head table!'

'It's so hard getting seated here... would you care to join me and my friends?'

'Hello dear, have I kept you waiting long?'

'The food's pretty bad here, but we make up for it with especially large portions.'

"When I said I wanted a bottle of the house red, I meant ketchup."

'My name is Angel. No relation to the angel hair pasta.'

Please tip in advance.