Dining Satire Fan Pillows

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

"Perhaps we should cleanse our palates first?"

"Or we could turn on the TV and let younger, more beautiful people have sex for us."

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

Arabic Thief Salad - lashings of whipped cream...

"Certainly. A party of four at seven-thirty in the name of Dr. Jennings. May I ask whether that is an actual medical degree or a Ph.D.?"

'A formal inquiry could take months, sir, and still be inconclusive.'

'Cannibalism has always repulsed me - until i tasted Aunty Judy's knees'

Ms. Bronte has a bad Eyre day.

Woman on a Pedestal. . . Who Married the Mothers Boy.

"Chicken 'Laissez-faire'?"

Dinner at the Mortgage Restaurant.

'I never see the dog complain about my cooking.'

'Uh oh. Cougar alert.'

You short-changed me when I paid for my drink last week. Are you sure? Of course I'm sure. You gave me change for $10, but I now I gave you more than a ten-dollar bill. Sorry about that. How much did you give me? I distinctly remember I had nothing but $1,000 bills in my wallet. Not falling for it.

"Barkeeper! More chick-peas!"

'I've always been a great fan of yours. I wrote all your books!'

"Aside from the foot, do you think my parking's getting better?"

Mad cow disease spreads to other ranches

"Miss! There's a fly in my soup."

"You wear a necktie with a suit jacket and white socks with brown shoes?? The guy who shot you did it absolutely right!"

"Rough ruff? Rough!"

'There'll be a short delay, sir -- your businessman's lunch is under investigation.'

Ivanka's Latest

Waiter, who are those protesters outside? They're from "PETFS": People for the Ethical Treatment of Flies in Soup.

Infographic depiction of how everything works.

'Could you be a little more specific than angel food?'

A waiter says:'You guys know you're supposed to text me when you're ready right?' the patrons are dead . . .

"You call that a 'man bun'? I'll show you a real man bun, sonny."

'Sunnyside down.'

Extreme health food restaurants: "Just check off what you want and we'll bring your tray around."

"Hello, my name is Roberto, and I will be your enabler this evening."