Dining Comedy Fan Pillows

You short-changed me when I paid for my drink last week. Are you sure? Of course I'm sure. You gave me change for $10, but I now I gave you more than a ten-dollar bill. Sorry about that. How much did you give me? I distinctly remember I had nothing but $1,000 bills in my wallet. Not falling for it.

'And you'll be seated at the head table!'

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

"Great job of acting! You really appeared excited about Aunt May's 'famous' green bean casserole."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

Restaurant menu board: 'Day old - 2 day old - 3 day old'

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

"That's two tossed salads, one egg drop soup, and one pulled pork."

'I hate it when they order scrambled eggs.' (chef shaking chicken).

Now we know --- It's good for making toast, not good for heating up meatloaf!

"Chicken on a bend of spinach and onions?"

"Hmmm, I'm not sure – I’ll ask our chef when he sobers up."

'What's your thumb doing on my steak?' 'Want me to drop it again?'

Road Kill Cafe.

"Apologies for the delay. Your eggs Benedict should be up soon."

"Oh, don't worry about that—it only goes off when someone taps 'no tip.'"

"With this table monitor, you can watch the chefs prepare your meal. Look, another slice of frozen lasagna being microwaved."

"I try not to be picky, but this meal is a bit too sticky!"

Russian eggs.

Cedric instantly regretted 'pumping up the jam...'

JERRY SPRINGER'S GUESTS TODAY

"Say hello to my little friend!"

Bob ordered the breakfast special of bacon with two eggs served any way he wanted.

'Self service.' 'How much do I tip myself?'

"I'm getting something to speed things up, Jenkins. A skateboard."

"You folks like a little something?"

The Second-to-last Supper.

"Fancy a take-a-way tonight ?"

"Well, I just assumed you wanted your toast like your coffee."

'Sorry...I forgot to mention i'm Dishlexic.'