Diner Humor Fan Pillows

'Sunnyside down.'

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

"Be right with you - just need to call for a tow truck and change today's 'Catch of the Day' to venison."

'If you mean Janet, she works the late shift.'

"May we see your kids' menu please?"

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

'I just come here for the ambiance. The food's lousy, so ordered a pizza be delivered.'

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

Menu. Everything looks so delicious! Thank you!

There's a strange mist over my food. You never heard of pea soup fog?

'I didn't find a finger in my chili!'

"Chicken on a bend of spinach and onions?"

'What's your thumb doing on my steak?' 'Want me to drop it again?'

"How about you? Were you 'locally raised'?"

"Would you like any suburbs, or just the check?"

Bob ordered the breakfast special of bacon with two eggs served any way he wanted.

"Knife...fork..."

Please be gentle, waiter. This is my first salad. I'm sorry, sir, but there's a reason they call it "roughage."

'You want a pizza with everything -- Do you comprehend the philosophical implications of that'

This fly's backstroke is atrocious. It will be reflected in his tip.

"It says. . . 'That wasn't chicken.'"

Armstrong, we're out of napkins. Now we're not. Have you checked where we keep the spares? What spares? The ones in the round pantry. Are you referring to the trash can? You say "tomatoes," I say "organic multivitamins for sale."

'Waiter there's a mouse in my soup.'

"I'll have the fish chowder, hold the flotsam and jetsam."

'What's the special?'

You short-changed me when I paid for my drink last week. Are you sure? Of course I'm sure. You gave me change for $10, but I now I gave you more than a ten-dollar bill. Sorry about that. How much did you give me? I distinctly remember I had nothing but $1,000 bills in my wallet. Not falling for it.

"Waiter, there are needles in my stew."

'Do you have anything that's not fried?'

'Tartar sauce?! Heaven no. My dentist would kill me.'

"In lieu of a tip, can one of you take a shift for me?"