Diner Humor Enthusiast Pillows

Bob ordered the breakfast special of bacon with two eggs served any way he wanted.

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

"May we see your kids' menu please?"

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

'If you mean Janet, she works the late shift.'

'I just come here for the ambiance. The food's lousy, so ordered a pizza be delivered.'

'This isn't soup of the day. Today's Tuesday.'

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

'I didn't find a finger in my chili!'

"How about you? Were you 'locally raised'?"

"Chicken on a bend of spinach and onions?"

'What's your thumb doing on my steak?' 'Want me to drop it again?'

"Would you like any suburbs, or just the check?"

"You folks like a little something?"

"Oh, don't worry about that—it only goes off when someone taps 'no tip.'"

'Self service.' 'How much do I tip myself?'

'Waiter there's a mouse in my soup.'

'What's the special?'

"I'll have the fish chowder, hold the flotsam and jetsam."

"It says. . . 'That wasn't chicken.'"

"Waiter, there are needles in my stew."

"We've had to update our restaurant's motto."

"Oh waiter! Will you pass me the anticoagulant please?"

'I'll have 40 percent of what he's having.'

'I know I'm getting lots of complements, but the damn waiters are conspiring to not tell me!'

'Tartar sauce?! Heaven no. My dentist would kill me.'