Diner Humor Enthusiast Pillows

Bob ordered the breakfast special of bacon with two eggs served any way he wanted.

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

"May we see your kids' menu please?"

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

"Be right with you - just need to call for a tow truck and change today's 'Catch of the Day' to venison."

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

'If you mean Janet, she works the late shift.'

'I just come here for the ambiance. The food's lousy, so ordered a pizza be delivered.'

'This isn't soup of the day. Today's Tuesday.'

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

'I didn't find a finger in my chili!'

Menu. Everything looks so delicious! Thank you!

'What's your thumb doing on my steak?' 'Want me to drop it again?'

There's a strange mist over my food. You never heard of pea soup fog?

"How about you? Were you 'locally raised'?"

"Chicken on a bend of spinach and onions?"

"Would you like any suburbs, or just the check?"

"You folks like a little something?"

"Oh, don't worry about that—it only goes off when someone taps 'no tip.'"

"Knife...fork..."

'Self service.' 'How much do I tip myself?'

Please be gentle, waiter. This is my first salad. I'm sorry, sir, but there's a reason they call it "roughage."

"Waiter, there are needles in my stew."

'What's the special?'

"It says. . . 'That wasn't chicken.'"

"I'll have the fish chowder, hold the flotsam and jetsam."

"We've had to update our restaurant's motto."

'Waiter there's a mouse in my soup.'

"Oh waiter! Will you pass me the anticoagulant please?"

'I'll have 40 percent of what he's having.'

'Tartar sauce?! Heaven no. My dentist would kill me.'