Dining Humor Fans Pillows

'My name is Angel. No relation to the angel hair pasta.'

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"Did you order the flying jalapeños?"

'What do you have that hasn't been cloned?'

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

"Tonight, we'll be eating hot dogs with a mustard-ketchup-and-pickle purée, accompanied by peas lightly sprinkled with ketchup. Then fettuccine al dente with a ketchup sauce, followed by applesauce maison with a dollop of you know what!"

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

"May we see your kids' menu please?"

'I just come here for the ambiance. The food's lousy, so ordered a pizza be delivered.'

'What's your thumb doing on my steak?' 'Want me to drop it again?'

"Chicken on a bend of spinach and onions?"

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

'This isn't soup of the day. Today's Tuesday.'

Menu. Everything looks so delicious! Thank you!

There's a strange mist over my food. You never heard of pea soup fog?

"How about you? Were you 'locally raised'?"

"I'll have the crescent-crab 'purses' and the smoked duck 'hash' – hold the quotation marks."

'Waiter, is it raining?' ] 'Sorry, not my table.'

"Would you like any suburbs, or just the check?"

Hugo's in a peevish mood today, I'd finish that broccoli if I were you

"I'm getting something to speed things up, Jenkins. A skateboard."

Bob ordered the breakfast special of bacon with two eggs served any way he wanted.

Please be gentle, waiter. This is my first salad. I'm sorry, sir, but there's a reason they call it "roughage."

Menu From The Luxury Home of Pancakes

The Second-to-last Supper.

This fly's backstroke is atrocious. It will be reflected in his tip.

'The house wine sir.'

You short-changed me when I paid for my drink last week. Are you sure? Of course I'm sure. You gave me change for $10, but I now I gave you more than a ten-dollar bill. Sorry about that. How much did you give me? I distinctly remember I had nothing but $1,000 bills in my wallet. Not falling for it.

Armstrong, we're out of napkins. Now we're not. Have you checked where we keep the spares? What spares? The ones in the round pantry. Are you referring to the trash can? You say "tomatoes," I say "organic multivitamins for sale."

'What's the special?'

"Waiter, there are needles in my stew."

"In lieu of a tip, can one of you take a shift for me?"

'Take no notice, I fired him ten minutes ago.'