Dining Humor Pillows

"Chicken on a bend of spinach and onions?"

"Is the rabbit cute?"

'What's your thumb doing on my steak?' 'Want me to drop it again?'

'What's the special?'

"In lieu of a tip, can one of you take a shift for me?"

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"States of tofu"

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"5 chocolate brownies, 3 banana muffins, 4 caramel cookies and one cappuccino - skinny."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

How to Deal With Leftover Turkey

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

"Charles didn't like tofu."

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"Fresh pepper spray?"

Slices of bread rescuing burnt toast.

Deliboys

"Dare I ask for mustard?"

"My guess it's guacamole."

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

"Dad fixed you a balanced breakfast - the runny eggs are balanced with burnt toast!"

Sisyphus Sawyer

"I'll have the vegetable lasagne, hold the vegetables."

'Well you asked for Al dente.'

"It's choux pastry, not shoe pastry!"

"The chef made some substitutions to tonight's menu. Instead of Escarots a la Bourguignonne, he's cooking hot dogs."

'What do you have that hasn't been cloned?'

"Hallelujah!"

Stay at home food pyramid

Preserved

"That's just great! Enough with the public displays of affection!"

"Tonight, we'll be eating hot dogs with a mustard-ketchup-and-pickle purée, accompanied by peas lightly sprinkled with ketchup. Then fettuccine al dente with a ketchup sauce, followed by applesauce maison with a dollop of you know what!"

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

"May we see your kids' menu please?"