Dining With Humor Pillows

'Waiter, is it raining?' ] 'Sorry, not my table.'

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"Did you order the flying jalapeños?"

'What do you have that hasn't been cloned?'

"May we see your kids' menu please?"

"Tonight, we'll be eating hot dogs with a mustard-ketchup-and-pickle purée, accompanied by peas lightly sprinkled with ketchup. Then fettuccine al dente with a ketchup sauce, followed by applesauce maison with a dollop of you know what!"

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

'I just come here for the ambiance. The food's lousy, so ordered a pizza be delivered.'

"Chicken on a bend of spinach and onions?"

'What's your thumb doing on my steak?' 'Want me to drop it again?'

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

"We'll get your food going as soon as the exterminators are done in the kitchen."

"Please be advised that our new chef's policy is that you're not allowed to leave until you've finished all the food on your plate."

Menu. Everything looks so delicious! Thank you!

There's a strange mist over my food. You never heard of pea soup fog?

"How about you? Were you 'locally raised'?"

"Would you like any suburbs, or just the check?"

'For obvious reasons the chowder's made with chicken and pork.'

Please be gentle, waiter. This is my first salad. I'm sorry, sir, but there's a reason they call it "roughage."

"Waiter, there are needles in my stew."

'The house wine sir.'

'What's the special?'

"I'll have the fish chowder, hold the flotsam and jetsam."

"In lieu of a tip, can one of you take a shift for me?"

'Yes, I'd like something to wash this wine down with!'

"Hunger is an illusion. I'll have a zenwich."

'Is everything O.K.?'

'Yon lad's got a chip on his shoulder.' 'Aye, he's certainly a messy eater.'

At The Skinny Customer Restaurant

Please note that our menu items have changed. For starters, press or say 1. For main courses, press or say 2. For desserts, ..........'

'There must be some mistake -- Kings don't pay for things.'

'What's the soup of the day?' 'Heinz.'