Laughing At Dining Pillows

"Please be advised that our new chef's policy is that you're not allowed to leave until you've finished all the food on your plate."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Give my compliments to the Biotech industry"

"Did you order the flying jalapeños?"

'What do you have that hasn't been cloned?'

"Tonight, we'll be eating hot dogs with a mustard-ketchup-and-pickle purée, accompanied by peas lightly sprinkled with ketchup. Then fettuccine al dente with a ketchup sauce, followed by applesauce maison with a dollop of you know what!"

"What fly?"

"Chicken on a bend of spinach and onions?"

'This isn't soup of the day. Today's Tuesday.'

"We'll get your food going as soon as the exterminators are done in the kitchen."

'What's your thumb doing on my steak?' 'Want me to drop it again?'

'Waiter, is it raining?' ] 'Sorry, not my table.'

'For obvious reasons the chowder's made with chicken and pork.'

'What's the special?'

'The house wine sir.'

'Sorry, smile's off...'

'I don't eat red meat.' 'This is green.'

'There must be some mistake -- Kings don't pay for things.'

At The Skinny Customer Restaurant

"Hunger is an illusion. I'll have a zenwich."

"In lieu of a tip, can one of you take a shift for me?"

"Expect a generous gratuity on table 9...I hacked his tip calculator."

'No termites, no grubs, no leaves... What kind of crazy restaurant is this?'

"Who ordered the eviscerated mouse carcass?"

'This place is a tip.'

"You're a very interesting waiter, but don't you have any other tables to take care of?"

"Excuse me, my bowl and glass seem to be stuck to the table."

Joe's Bar and Grill and Focus Group.

'If she says I could have cooked this for half the price - the pasta goes over her head.'

Women's Synchronized Peeing

'You call this slop'

A man ordering Haricot Mutton in a restaurant

"Is the rabbit cute?"

'My name is Angel. No relation to the angel hair pasta.'

'The dish of the day madam? He's sitting by the window. He's 32, single, and runs a very successful art gallery.'