Diners Who Enjoy A Laugh Pillows

"Who ordered the eviscerated mouse carcass?"

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"Give my compliments to the Biotech industry"

"Did you order the flying jalapeños?"

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

'What do you have that hasn't been cloned?'

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

"Tonight, we'll be eating hot dogs with a mustard-ketchup-and-pickle purée, accompanied by peas lightly sprinkled with ketchup. Then fettuccine al dente with a ketchup sauce, followed by applesauce maison with a dollop of you know what!"

"Be right with you - just need to call for a tow truck and change today's 'Catch of the Day' to venison."

"May we see your kids' menu please?"

"What fly?"

"We'll get your food going as soon as the exterminators are done in the kitchen."

"Please be advised that our new chef's policy is that you're not allowed to leave until you've finished all the food on your plate."

'This isn't soup of the day. Today's Tuesday.'

'Waiter, is it raining?' ] 'Sorry, not my table.'

Hugo's in a peevish mood today, I'd finish that broccoli if I were you

'For obvious reasons the chowder's made with chicken and pork.'

"They're flipping to see who pays for the meal."

Bob ordered the breakfast special of bacon with two eggs served any way he wanted.

"It says. . . 'That wasn't chicken.'"

'The house wine sir.'

'Waiter there's a mouse in my soup.'

"I'll have the fish chowder, hold the flotsam and jetsam."

You complimented the chef on his dumplings-now he wishes to return the compliments!

At The Skinny Customer Restaurant

Lady playing with bread at the dinner table

"Expect a generous gratuity on table 9...I hacked his tip calculator."

'There must be some mistake -- Kings don't pay for things.'

'If she says I could have cooked this for half the price - the pasta goes over her head.'

Cat is curious about food.

"Excuse me, my bowl and glass seem to be stuck to the table."

"You're a very interesting waiter, but don't you have any other tables to take care of?"

'This place is a tip.'

'My name is Angel. No relation to the angel hair pasta.'